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12/03/2003 Entry: "You are wrong because:"

By Scott Adams

You Are Wrong Because

Taken from "The Joy of Work: Dilbert's Guide to Finding Happiness at the Expense of Your Coworkers" by Scott Adams

1. AMAZINGLY BAD ANALOGY

Example: You can train a dog to fetch a stick. Therefore, you can
train a potato to dance.

2. FAULTY CAUSE AND EFFECT

Example: On the basis of my observations, wearing huge pants makes
you fat.

3. I AM THE WORLD

Example: I don't listen to country music. Therefore, country music
is not popular.

4. IGNORING EVERYTHING SCIENCE KNOWS ABOUT THE BRAIN

Example: People choose to be obese/gay/alcoholic because they
prefer the lifestyle.

5. THE FEW ARE THE SAME AS THE WHOLE

Example: Some Elbonians are animal rights activists. Some Elbonians
wear fur coats. Therefore, Elbonians are hypocrites.

6. GENERALIZING FROM SELF

Example: I'm a liar. Therefore, I don't believe what you're saying.

7. ARGUMENT BY BIZARRE DEFINITION

Example: He's not a criminal. He just does things that are against
the law.

8. TOTAL LOGICAL DISCONNECT

Example: I enjoy pasta because my house is made of bricks.

9. JUDGING THINGS WITHOUT COMPARISON TO ALTERNATIVES

Example: I don't invest in U.S. Treasury Bills. There's too much
risk.

10. ANYTHING YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND IS EASY TO DO

Example: If you have the right tools, how hard could it be to
generate nuclear fission at home?

11. IGNORANCE OF STATISTICS

Example: I'm putting ALL of my money on the lottery this week
because the jackpot is so big.

12. IGNORING THE DOWNSIDE RISK

Example: I know that bugee jumping could kill me, but it's three
seconds of great fun!

13. SUBSTITUTING FAMOUS QUOTES FOR COMMON SENSE

Example: Remember, "All things come to those who wait." So don't
bother looking for a job.

14. IRRELEVANT COMPARISONS

Example: A hundred dollars is a good price for a toaster,
compared to buying a Ferari.

15. CIRCULAR REASONING

Example: I'm correct because I'm smarter than you. And I must be
smarter than you because I'm correct.

16. INCOMPLETENESS AS PROOF OF DEFECT

Example: Your theory of gravity doesn't address the question of
why there are no unicorns, so it must be wrong.

17. IGNORING THE ADVICE OF EXPERTS WITHOUT A GOOD REASON

Example: Sure, the experts think you shouldn't ride a bicycle
into the eye of a hurricane, but I have my own theory.

18. FOLLOWING THE ADVICE OF KNOWN IDIOTS

Example: Uncle Billy says pork makes you smarter. That's good
enough for me!

19. REACHING BIZARRE CONCLUSIONS WITHOUT ANY INFORMATION

Example: The car won't start. I'm certain the spark plugs have
been stolen by rogue clowns.

20. FAULTY PATTERN RECOGNITION

Example: His six last wives were murdered mysteriously. I hope
to be wife number seven.

21. FAILURE TO RECOGNIZE WHAT'S IMPORTANT

Example: My house is on fire! Quick, call the post office and
tell them to hold my mail!

22. UNCLEAR ON THE CONCEPT OF SUNK COSTS

Example: We've spent millions developing a water-powered pogo
stick. We can't stop investing now or it will all be wasted.

23. OVERAPPLICATION OF OCCAM'S RAZOR (WHICH SAYS THE SIMPLEST
EXPLANATION IS USUALLY RIGHT)

Example: The simplest explanation for the moon landings is that
they were hoaxes.

24. IGNORING ALL ANECDOTAL EVIDENCE

Example: I always get hives immediately after eating strawberries.
But without a scientifically controlled experiment, it's not
reliable data. So I continue to eat strawberries every day, since
I can't tell if they cause hives.

25. INABILITY TO UNDERSTAND THAT SOME THINGS HAVE MULTIPLE
CAUSES

Example: The Beatles were popular for one reason only: They were
good singers.

26. JUDGING THE WHOLE BY ONE OF ITS CHARACTERISTICS

Example: The sun causes sunburns. Therefore, the planet would be
better off without the sun.

27. BLINDING FLASHED OF THE OBVIOUS

Example: If everyone had more money, we could eliminate poverty.

28. BLAMING THE TOOL

Example: I bought an encyclopedia but I'm still stupid. This
encyclopedia must be defective.

29. HALLUCINATIONS OF REALITY

Example: I got my facts from a talking tree.

30. TAKING THINGS TO THEIR ILLOGICAL CONCLUSION

Example: If you let your barber cut your hair, the next thing you
know he'll be lopping off your limbs!

31. FAILURE TO UNDERSTAND WHY RULES DON'T HAVE EXCEPTIONS

Example: It should be legal to shoplift, as long as you don't
take enough to hurt the company's earnings.

32. PROOF BY LACK OF EVIDENCE

Example: I've never seen you drunk, so you must be one of those
Amish people.

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